I sometimes wonder if my posts have created a slightly misleading picture of me.

I write a lot about kindness, patience, understanding, respect, giving people grace, choosing your battles, and trying to see things from another person's perspective. So I suppose it's easy to assume that I'm one of those naturally calm, endlessly patient people who never gets irritated by anything.

I am not. Not even close.

And, I know that might be hard to believe, especially because most people who know me would probably desccribe me as soft-spoken. I speak calmly, I don't usually raise my voice, and even when I'm disagreeing with someone, I tend to sound more composed than I actually feel inside. Apparently, my face and my voice don't always get the memo about what's happening in my head.

I get annoyed. I get irritated. I lose patience. I have very strong opinions, and I absolutely cannot stand bullsh*t and st*pidity. The younger version of me would have reacted to every little thing that annoyed me. If something bothered me, you'd know it bothered me. I didn't have much interest in pretending otherwise.

I've changed, though. Not necessarily becacuse I've become more patient, but because I've learned that not every irritation deserves a reaction.

Sometimes I breathe, think about it, and let it go. Sometimes I realizze that whatever is irritating me will probably matter a lot less tomorrow, so why give it so much space today? And sometimes, I simply don't have the energy anymore to argue with someone who has already decided what they're going to believe.

Maybe that's what comes with getting older. You start realizing that peace is sometimes worth more than being right.

That doesn't mean I've stopped arguing. Ler's not get carried away. I'm still me. I'm still going to speak up when something matters to me, and I'm still going to make myself heard when I feel like something needs to be said.

I'm an Aries, after all. Apparently, "just let it go" was never going to be a completely realistic philosophy for me.

But, I've learned that there is a difference between speaking up because something genuinely matters and reacting simply beccause something annoyed me. There's also a difference between defending yourself and needing to win every argument.

These days, I try (so hard!) to choose the first one.

I can disagree without being cruel. I can be angry without taking it out on someone who doesn't deserve it. I can call something out without turning it into a fight. And sometimes, I can simply say what I need to say in the most neutral tone I can manage and walk away.

That last part is probably the biggest sign that I've grown. Because the younger me wanted people to know when she was pissed off. The older me sometimes just wants people to know where I stand and then leave me alone.

So yes, I write about kindness.

I write about patience because I'm still learning patience. I write about forgiveness because I'm still learning how to let things go. I write about choosing grace because there are plenty of moments when my first instinct is to do the exact opposite.

Maybe that's what my blog is all about. Not a collection of things I've mastered, but a collection of things I'm still trying to practice.

I'm not always the nice person people think I am.

I'm just someone who has finally learned that having the ability to react doesn't mean I always have to use it.